September 17, 2010 - One Response

I’ve always hated people who don’t have time for friends.

I am now one of these people.

I don’t know what to feel about it, but perhaps this very consideration is why I am the way I am now.

It’s difficult to construct a sentence without the word “I”.

It stretches me out. “Hall this, school that, come dinner here, have dinner with us there.”.

“Fuck you man, you’ve missed so many outings!”

“What kind of a friend are you? It’s your call, you want to take us for granted, don’t come calling when we’re gone!”

“We took you in. You had no friends! We put you in the middle so you’d feel real warm.”

Sorry I can’t go with you guys, I’m left standing here alone. A middle finger.

I am sorry, I truly am. I wish there were 5 me’s I could send out every night.

But when things go too fast, I need to get off the car. I don’t like missing the scenery.

So what do I do?

Apologies are never enough. I need to show, not tell.

Ah fuck, I’m getting emo again. Just let me catch my breath guys, I’ll make it up to all of you.


A letter to myself

September 5, 2010 - Leave a Response

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Your shot- no, our shot, at redemption.

Failure has come many times. But they are trivial compared to the ones faced by the explorers before us. They are great not because they have never failed, but because they have never allowed failure to keep them down.

It is a difficult path – rarely trod upon. The forest is dense to say the least. We have not forgotten our parang, but we musn’t forget to keep it sharp (metaphor, swinging a machete around campus would give off the wrong signals).

It is nevertheless, wild and perilous. We should not hope to tame it, but rather, to befriend it, to aid it, to allow it to save and guide us in turn.

Do not ever forget our morals; they will be our map. Though they may change in time, we shall do our utmost best to uphold them. For they are guidelines written in a state of calmness. We are not always calm, so just… Ah fuck la, just follow them okay..!

Always be alert. Never be complacent. The forest is massive, and we can never hope to know everything about it. Always be willing to learn, experience, suffer, enjoy and regret. A good explorer, adventurer, story-teller, always hopes to inspire wonder, shock – anything unexpected – to the audience. The best way to inspire these emotions is for us to experience them ourselves.

Most importantly; everyone has a story. Never be too quick to pass  judgment – to jump to conclusions – to dismiss someone as uninteresting. Engage everyone, great storytellers are great appreciators; and we must never close ourselves off to stories – old or new. As of this writing, this is our weakest attribute, our Archilles’ heel (not that we’re Archilles; but self-motivation never hurts does it); remember what The Beatles had to say about this:

“Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner, but he knew he couldn’t last.”

Beware not just of ignorance, but of anger as well. Remember how those red flares blind us when we get mad? Never did they work out right eh? Conflicts come and go like the wind, but the bridges that are temporarily rocked can stand hold forever if we want them to. Never cut loose a bridge in anger; we never know when we might want to cross it again.

But enough nagging. We have failed many times before. This is the one time we can wander into the forest without anyone telling us not to.

Alright, they might. But they can’t actually stop us.

I am you, you are me. You’re quite possibly the only person I can truly trust – and I, the only one you can trust.

We haven’t got talent, but we’ve got empty-headed stubborn-ness, and that’s bound to take us somewhere dagnabit!

An oath.

August 3, 2010 - Leave a Response

I shall not argue with ANYONE about ANYTHING for a year.

This is inspired by John Francis, who famously held a personal oath to not speak for 17 YEARS. Based on the sole realisation that he wasn’t listening to anyone, because he was so taken with the idea of winning the argument.

I have been plagued by that curse for what must’ve been 8 years now.

I think it’s time to change.

Or at least try to.

Francis’ story shook me up. I have always felt that I was taking everything for granted. I am very unaware of things that happen around me, and I am always ready to impose my own set of standards and opinions onto others.

I have always known that a good storyteller is emphatic, and I have, more than once, enjoyed a good conversation.

The good ones are the ones where I keep quiet and LISTEN.

I think I have the fortitude to see this through, but I am afraid of letting subjectivity get the better of me. As such, these are the guidelines:

1. No arguments; “arguments” defined as sustained efforts to convince someone else of something they’re not originally keen of.

2. Engaging is fine, as long as I do not attempt to convince or push a personal opinion.

3. Questions are fine, but they must never be sarcastic.

4. I draw a loose line with humor. My stance is very much aligned with the Monty Python philosophy: when I attempt a joke, it means I respect your intelligence; that you will be mature enough to take it as a joke, nothing more, nothing less.

5. No day of rest loopholes.

6. Answering questions are okay, I can defend, retreat, but never attack.

Very few people read my blog, so this is mainly for myself, you arrogant bastard. Drill this into your head.

If this goes well, maybe I’ll keep doing it for the next 16 years, or the rest of my life.

Walk Cycle 5: The Frolick

July 29, 2010 - Leave a Response

Always wanted to do a frolick cycle 😀

The scarf, drapery, was hard to do. I tried not to make it heavy, but it still seems quite un-fabric-ish.

Drapery is ALWAYS late.

“Walk” 4 – Backflip

July 26, 2010 - Leave a Response

Straight forward, great fun, but the dude changes size : (

Flash, about an hour.

Rough, but very very fun to do.

Walk Cycle 3: Basic jog

July 24, 2010 - Leave a Response
Walk Cycle 3: Basic jog

The bob is really hard to get right.

This was the basic structure. I find that the essential movement of the cycle is better presented with a simplified figure, rather like how sketches can be so much more exciting and dynamic that a polished final result.

I did try to polish this one up, but I’m still really bad with anatomy.

LONG LONG way to go.

The first of many to come

July 21, 2010 - Leave a Response

Click to play animation.

The Glowing Sea Bastard

June 18, 2010 - Leave a Response
The Glowing Sea Bastard | 25 minutes in Fireworks CS3

25 minutes in Fireworks CS3

Trying Times

May 11, 2010 - 2 Responses

One of my favourite books of all time is “Only You Can Save Mankind” by Terry Pratchett. It was a rite of passage for a teenager such as I, not only because it was essentially steeped in gaming contexts, which is just ball-crushingly awesome; but more importantly because it dealt with, what Pratchett describes as “Trying Times”.

Johnny Maxwell is your average kid. Not really good at anything apart from blending into the background and not being noticed. It’s usually these kids I think, that are the most philosophical. He struggles to find a voice, an identity amidst the trauma of an impending family break-up.

I have went through Trying Times in my teenage years, which is possibly the worst thing. And I think neither acne, ignorant girls or failing grades can top that.

At the time where we need the most mental support, when we just begin to think seriously about the world and people around us, our two main pillars of support are taken from us, leaving us to fend for ourselves.

I’m not saying “Oooh, love me cuz I’m wretched.” or anything like that. In fact, I think it came with it’s pros. I became very independent in my opinions, and I have my own set of unique, and I believe, functionally useful mindsets and opinions.

The damage of such a trauma is never easily removed however. I have managed to bury them over the years, but they still lurk in the shadows of my being like a demon lying in wait.

Needless to say, I have hit upon Trying Times again, and it is shocking how easily the memories come flooding back.

I will not go into details, but the arguments, the fights, the huddling in dark corners come hurtling back like relentless nightmares, and I am wrecked once more.

I consider myself quite a loner. As Shrek so elegantly puts it: “I like my privacy”. And I think this might be an automatic response to cut off emotional ties so I don’t get hurt again.

So I always considered myself quit well isolated from these impacts, but I am not at all. This cuts through me like a hot wire through butter.

The fear is extraordinary too. I’m so afraid it might escalate and end in a crescendo of tragedy like last time.

So what do we do in such times? Stand up as stolidly as we can, despite our weakness, and push against the tides?

Or get out of the water and leave them to it?

Everyone has their skeletons. Time to open the fucking closet.

Lover Man

May 3, 2010 - Leave a Response

Sketched listening to 69' Woodstock's "Lover Man".